John: “You want fruit with your breakfast”
Me: “Yes, please – an apple would be great.”
“We have pears.”
“Are they hard?”
“No – they’re right at that point where if you squeeze them a bit, they bruise.”
“Are you bruising my pear?”
“Only a little.”
“That’s it – I’m calling Fruit Protection Services.”
Robynn and Rana rightly note the influence of Eddie Izzard in this post: