Comments on: What I meant by that.

By: Jill

Jill — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 23:37:28 +0000

And thank you for the compliment about my writing. It is very kind of you.

By: Jill

Jill — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 23:36:54 +0000

Oh, the negative can be VERY entertaining – no doubt about it. And the old saying, “if you can’t say something nice – sit by me,” has a lot of resonance – after all, criticism has its place. I am a big fan of televisionwithoutpity.com, for instance. But I draw the line at the kind of criticism whose goal is the utter annihilation of its object. That shows a complete lack of respect for those who may enjoy or appreciate the thing in question, and that lack of respect is unforgivable.

By: The Solipsist

The Solipsist — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:59:12 +0000

I see what you mean about the ease–or at least the downright “fun-ness” of being shrill, mean, cutting, etc. And this would probably be a better world if we took as much time to frame positive comments as we did negative (and in that spirit, let me compliment you on your writing style and thoughtful commentary).

Still, as a writer, writing teacher, and general curmudgeon, I have always subscribed to the philosophy: “If you can’t say something nice about someone. . . great!” :-)

By: marietta

marietta — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:39:18 +0000

i am guilty as charged. yes it is so easy to spew and spew and spew the negative
\
but sometimes is can be sooo much fun! That said i do also call the 1-800 number to tell them how awesome their product is :)

By: khm

khm — Sat, 23 May 2009 03:28:05 +0000

I agree, all. And I like this post. :-)

I think there’s another dynamic acting out as well and that is the ego-serving need to establish how “well informed” your critique is….which as you point out so well often undoes itself. I think its indicative of a certain insecurity that some folks feel the need to establish their intellect at every opportunity.

I’ve taken to heart that still waters run deep. That books are best judged not by their covers. That less is …often more than enough.

By: Lianne

Lianne — Thu, 21 May 2009 14:29:11 +0000

Jill, Kimberly, I’m sitting here nodding in recognition. This has been a huge shift in me in the last 3-4 years. I think I talked about it a bit on yogalila, but yes, after examining my own tendencies to assholiness in this fashion and not liking it, I worked on changing (a lot of this due to my coach training and the study of Pos Psych). I can now honestly say I am mostly free of that misguided need for false cleverness and superiority (false because when you are in it, you are really neither) and I actually feel wonderfully full of love for most people. That sounds corny, I know, but I just love people. Their so peopley. :)

By: Jill

Jill — Thu, 21 May 2009 14:10:18 +0000

I think you are right to associate it with adolescence, even though there are plenty of adults who do it.

There are plenty of adults who seem trapped in adolescence.

I keep running across mentions of the Happiness Project – I need to check it out.

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Thu, 21 May 2009 01:28:32 +0000

After you published the cryptic bit a few days ago, it rang a chord. At a party a few weeks ago, I was talking with a woman who is a passionate birder. She travels the world with her husband to find new birds to add to their life lists. While she was talking, all I could think about was how clear it was what joy this brought her. Later, it struck me how not that many years ago, I would have been polite to her face, but I would have laughed behind her back. I've been thinking since then to try to figure out what changed. Maybe an appreciation of how rare happy people seem to be? Maybe being happier myself? I'm not sure. I think you are right to associate it with adolescence, even though there are plenty of adults who do it. I wonder how much comes from a fear that if there is a disagreement , then one party WRONG, and a need to establish that they aren't the wrong one. As I've gotten older, I find myself sneering less and taking pleasure in things more (and more unabashedly). I have embraced by geekdom, and it pleases me. I found this via Lianne, and I have to say that I find it a valuable resource: The Happiness Project. One of her "happiness myths" is Happy People Are Annoying and Stupid. I find many of the comments interesting. Oddly enough, this week, she featured a biography of a birder, Phoebe Snetsinger, who came up in the aforementioned discussion. I was talking about this change with a friend today--she thinks it's a sign that I'm ready to finish with grad school. :)